Honor turned one month old last week! I cannot believe how quickly the time has flown. I did not expect to look up and have a five week old on my hands so quickly — I feel like we just had her! Then again, everything about our journey has been unexpected in the best of ways. Continue reading through to the end for a fun surprise!
How precious is this sweet girl!
As I shared before, in January 2019 the Lord told me and my husband to begin trying for a baby, starting that July. As the months passed by, God gave us more and more confirmation and instructions about the baby, promising that we would have a spring baby. I was already staying offline for awhile, so I used those months to prepare for our move and for the baby.
Well, July came with much anticipation and excitement: we found out we were pregnant! I came up with a sentimental way of telling Joshua.
The second pink line is faint, but there!
The best part is when I surprised Joshua with this set up, he went to our closet and came out with one of Raegan’s baby shirts and some baby clothes he had been secretly buying in preparation for our spring baby. It was truly a sweet moment.
He is truly the best.
When I came home from work the next day, Joshua surprised me with even more sweet items.
He grabbed my favorite snacks and flowers at the time.
We were totally convinced that we were having twins. My husband is a fraternal twin, and he has several sets of twins on his side of the family. I have a few sets of twins on my side, as well, so we just knew that God had twins in store for us! Turns out, God had one sweet baby for us.
We waited all the way until Labor Day weekend to tell our family, as we were hosting them at our home for a cookout. We had it all planned out. Just as we were about to sit down and eat, I told Joshua that I forgot something in the oven and asked him to grab it. He pulled out a “bun in the oven.”
Our “bun in the oven” brought to us by Joshua’s friends over at Lowder Baking Company.
Needless to say, our family was thrilled! So were we, as it was extremely difficult to hide it from them. I had been experiencing severe nausea and fatigue honestly before I even took my pregnancy test, so I was glad to share the reason behind my sickness. We were then able to announce our pregnancy on social media.
Everything had gone as expected up until that point. We were so excited to move into the next phase of our pregnancy and find out about the baby’s gender.
Joshua and I had obviously been thinking about the baby’s gender. We were absolutely convinced we were having a boy. Joshua’s side has a lot of boys, and my pregnancy symptoms were so different than what I had experienced with Raegan. I was pretty nauseous all the time, so fatigued that I would fall asleep mid-conversation, and had no energy to do pretty much anything beyond the basics. All of my girlfriends that are boy moms heard my symptoms and said they experienced the same things, so I was even more sure that God had a son in store for us.
Not that having a son would be easy for me. All I have known is girl mom life. I come from a family of girls, and of course I already have a little girl who just brings me so much joy. I was very torn about this, and needed to prepare my heart for all of the unknowns of boy mom life.
Girl or boy? We were so anxious to find out!
After announcing our pregnancy, Joshua and I began finalizing the details of our move to California. We made one last trip out to LA to celebrate our wedding anniversary, prepare our hearts for the big transition of moving and parenthood, and to make the necessary arrangements.
We took time to begin scoping out baby gear.
During this trip, I sought the Lord, and He spoke to my heart about how my mothering would change if we were to have a boy. The Lord said to me, “If you had a boy, you would never leave him alone.”
This really rocked me to the core. God showed me that I had a problem with men in general. Some of the most painful parts of my life stemmed from distorted and damaging romantic relationships with men, feeling the brunt of being a woman in the male-dominated legal field, and being abused by males. The thought of having a boy thus caused me great anxiety. I did not want to raise a son who would damage the women around him, and I had subconsciously begun to plan how I would make sure he would not perpetrate the very pain I experienced at the hands of other men.
I thus interpreted all of this to mean that surely we were having a boy, and it would teach me to let go of the issues with men. I came back from LA, truly nervous but expecting to have a son in the spring.
Joshua and I planned a three-in-one party: a gender reveal, going away, and birthday party for me. We waited to find out the baby’s gender until the party, as it would be an awesome birthday gift for me.
Three nights before the party, I dreamed that we were going to have a girl. I brushed it off as wishful thinking on my part. Turns out, I was wrong.
We planned a navy blue, powder pink, and gold themed fall party, featuring good fall comfort foods and lots of fun activities.
When guests arrived, they pinned on their vote of either boy or girl. The great majority were Team Boy! From there, we all talked and hung out until it was time to eat! We put together a chili bar and charcuterie board.
My best friend and I put together this charcuterie board!
Ha, get it?
Our awesome cakes and cupcakes were baked by Whisk Dessert Bar.
We played two games, with Team Boy and Team Girl going head-to-head. We came up with an electronic Gender Reveal Jeopardy game, as well as an Old Wives’ Tales game. Each team won one of the games.
For the children, we had a bounce house and pumpkin decorating stations!
Finally, the time came for us to find out our gender. We headed outside, and our friends passed out confetti poppers. After counting down, we popped our poppers!
You can imagine our surprise when we saw PINK confetti flying in the air!
Joshua and I were SO SHOCKED! We just knew we were going to have a boy. The only one who was not shocked was Raegan. She had been praying for a sister for at least two years, and was confident that she was going to have a sister.
Our spring baby — a girl — was going to be born in California!
Our friends kept the gender a secret for us and gave Joshua this awesome shirt!
I was pretty stunned but thrilled. I adore being a girl mom, so the fact that we would welcome another little girl made my heart leap for joy.
I realized that the Lord did indeed show me that I was carrying a baby girl, both in my dream and during my trip to LA. I missed His leading because I was so certain that I was having a boy. However, my certainty was grounded in the fact that my pregnancy was shaping out to be much different than my previous pregnancy with Raegan.
The Lord taught me an early lesson about my pregnancy: nothing about the pregnancy would go as I planned, but as He planned. He already revealed to His plans to me: He planned when she would be conceived, He planned when she would be born, and He planned her gender. It forced me to continuously surrender my need to know, to plan, and control, and to just lay down my will and let His will be done. Plus, although I’m not having a boy, God still revealed an area that He wanted to heal, and He began to use my husband and his incredible sweetness, kindness, and loving companionship throughout the pregnancy to soften my view of men. While I thought God would use a son to help heal me, He was using my husband.
The day after the gender reveal: sporting pink for our newest baby girl
Over 80 friends and family members showed up to bid us farewell and to celebrate our baby. Finding out Honor was a girl was the most pleasant surprise, and I am so glad we got to share that moment with our loved ones before we moved. Looking back, I see that God began to use Honor early on to show us just how much more we needed to learn about letting go of our expectations and surrendering to His amazing plan.
As a fun surprise, you can check out my new YouTube channel to see more details about our move and gender reveal!