I cannot believe we’ve been married for three years already. This year feels so triumphant. We have so much to celebrate, and it stems from clinging to Jesus, the Author of our faith and the Creator of our union this day.
You and I both know how we treasure this day. Three years may seem like but a moment, and by all accounts we are still newlyweds. Yet, this day means so much because we have overcome so much to get here. In all honesty, it was you who overcame. I write this letter to celebrate the amazing man I married. You are my best yes.
When we went out on one of our first dates, I remember feeling led by the Holy Spirit to tell you about my past. I was so nervous and thought, “I just met him, Lord. It’s just too much.” I kept wrestling with that leading throughout the evening, to the point that it was inescapable — I had to tell you. I pulled a Gideon and threw out a fleece, ‘God, if I tell him and he says, “Ok,” then he’s my husband.’ I laugh now at my audacity, but I did not want to be vulnerable with someone who would only be temporary. As God would have it, you heard my story and said, “Ok. I believe God can heal anything.” I was shook beyond words, because I knew right then that God was confirming that you were my husband. You’ve remained true to your word — you believe God. God confirmed to you that I was to be your wife, and it is this belief that has kept us together through so much.
A few days ago, I posted on IG about restoration, and how it flows from going through a healing process. I know God brought you into my life to help facilitate my healing. Through your consistent love for Christ and for me, I have found that you are indeed God’s best for me.
With your loving tenacity, you never gave up on me.
When I could not stop seeing your mistakes and imperfections as red flags for behavior that was never there, when I misinterpreted your feedback as criticism, when I still held up walls to protect my heart from perceived threats, you never stopped loving me. When someone goes through abuse, it is really hard to view a new love with an untainted view. Suspicion creeps in, walls are built, and if one is not careful, caution begins to replace the Holy Spirit’s guidance in our lives. Fear begins to lead us when it’s His voice that should sound the loudest over our lives.
Thankfully, I had you to help me love freely again. You never stopped praying. You never stopped pursuing me. You never stopped giving your all to make it work. You never stopped calling on the voice of God and on wise counsel to help us, and to help me.
In His infinite kindness, God has used your loving kindness and gentle ways, and now I am captivated by your love.
With you I can feel like a woman again.
I don’t have to be hardened. I don’t have to be guarded.
I can have the highest expectations of romance, and you exceed them. You have spoiled me with your best. I swear no woman on earth is so well-loved as I am by you.
I don’t have to take care of everything by myself. I have you as my partner and my best friend. The one who wants to carry all my bags, who brings me flowers for no reason all the time, who wants to stay up all night with our newborn so that I can sleep.
I can be feminine, let my own hair down, and melt into your warm embrace. My once hardened body from years of working out have softened with our recent pregnancy, but my body seems to mirror the softening of my heart with you.
With you I can be warm, sensual, and carefree.
With you, I can play songs from YouTube or pull a meme out from my stash to illustrate what I’m thinking.
With you, I can trade facts and trivia, and watch Wes Anderson films and documentaries and anime and The Crown, freely. No judgment.
With you, I can be my awkward, my loud-laughing self.
With you, I can just be me. I don’t have to be anything else but me.
I can finally love freely again.
In your vows to me on our wedding day, you promised me that you would make my future with you better than anything in our past. You have kept your promise.
We share two beautiful children, a home, and a life together, one that is laced with triumph and the grace of God. You are worth my love, trust, and submission. You are the best leader and I would follow you anywhere.
Happy third anniversary, my beloved. I love you.