Happy Valentine’s Day, everyone! I hope today finds you feeling loved and sharing that love with yourself and those around you.
Speaking of love, I wanted to take a moment to share a bit about my relationship with the love of my life, my husband. For those of you who’ve been part of this community for several years, you know I met Joshua while I was in law school. Our relationship quickly blossomed, and we’ve navigated dating, engagement, and now, nearly ten years together, with eight of those years as a married couple. It’s hard to believe how much time has passed, and yet, it feels like we’re just getting started. We’ve built a beautiful life together, pursuing our dreams, and now raising four children. It’s been an incredible journey.
Of course, the past eight years haven’t been without their challenges. There have been moments where only God could rescue us from the depths of difficulty. One of those moments came almost exactly three months ago. We were in the thick of sleepless nights with a newborn, a fussy toddler adjusting to a new sibling, a preschooler struggling with change, and also managing a preteen’s mood swings.
I remember one quiet night, nursing our newborn while everyone else in the house seemed to be asleep. We usually keep the TV on to listen to sermons or Bible passages, and on this particular night, a sermon by Francis Chan caught my attention. He was talking about submission in marriage — a topic that had honestly caused some tension between Joshua and me in the past. But as I listened, I felt deeply convicted. The words hit my heart in a way that I couldn’t ignore, and I realized there was no way to justify or defend the ways I had contributed to the strain in our relationship.
What I didn’t know was that Joshua was awake too, listening to the same message. At one point, out of the corner of his eye, he saw a pair of feet enter our room. He assumed one of the children had woken up and was coming in, but no one was there. Instead, he heard the Lord speak to him: “I’m here.” Joshua immediately knelt beside our bed and prayed, then returned to bed.
When the sermon ended, Joshua asked me what I thought of it. I opened up and shared how convicted I felt about my role in our struggles. He, too, shared his role in our tension. We decided to pray together. We climbed out of bed and knelt at the foot of our bed. Joshua prayed first, pouring his heart out to God. As he prayed, he felt as if the Holy Spirit cloaked him. He began to sob, broken over his sin. Seeing him so vulnerable and weeping softened my heart, and I repented as well, right beside him. It was in that moment, as we both laid ourselves bare before God, that we experienced a shift. Instead of blaming each other, we focused on our own faults and the ways we needed God’s healing.
That night became a turning point for us. We call it “the moment” in our marriage — the moment we chose to love each other deeply, even when we were at our worst. It was a moment of vulnerability, the moment we chose to love each other in a way that went beyond the surface.
As I think about that moment now on Valentine’s Day, on a day that celebrates love, I’m reminded of just how much marriage requires of us. It’s not just about the happy, easy moments or the milestones like weddings and anniversaries. The real beauty of marriage is being fully known by one another, seeing each other at our worst, and still choosing to love each other.
This reminds me of Matthew 19:1-12. In this passage, Jesus talks about marriage and divorce, explaining that divorce was allowed by Moses because of the hardness of hearts. But from the beginning, divorce was never part of God’s original plan for marriage. When His disciples heard this, they remarked that it might be better not to marry at all. I love how the Message paraphrases Jesus’ words:
“Jesus’ disciples objected, ‘If those are the terms of marriage, we haven’t got a chance. Why get married?’ But Jesus said, ‘Not everyone is mature enough to live a married life. It requires a certain aptitude and grace. Marriage isn’t for everyone. Some, from birth seemingly, never give marriage a thought. Others never get asked—or accepted. And some decide not to get married for kingdom reasons. But if you’re capable of growing into the largeness of marriage, do it.'”
Matthew 19:10-12 (MSG)
Marriage is beautiful, but it does require maturity — something we grow into over the years. That “moment” three months ago showed us that we have a long way to go, but I’m thankful for the growth we’ve already seen.
As you reflect on love today, I pray you’re reminded of what love really requires: seeing someone at their best and their worst, and still choosing them. That kind of love — the love God lavishes on us — can change everything.
