Honor’s Dress: Gap (Similar) | Raegan’s Dress: Gap (Similar)
I know I have not written on my blog for a while, but if you follow me over on Instagram or Youtube then you already know about this bit of good news in my life — we welcomed Baby No. 3 in September 2022! Honestly, my pregnancy was thrilling and terrifying, and it pushed me to my limitations in almost every way.
In recent years, I became more reluctant to share intimate thoughts about my life for a few reasons – namely, I grappled with the notion that I should only share “positive” topics because I believed I had no right to complain and that “others have it worse than I do.”
I learned however, that this reasoning only represents “a race to the bottom.” In this line of thinking, no one wins. We all lose because at any moment someone else will have it worse off. It doesn’t leave room for people to experience real human emotions, and to share more authentically. So, today I’m returning to my blog with the intention of sharing my authentic feelings and precious moments.
As with all my pregnancies, my pregnancy with Baby No. 3 taught me a lesson. When I was pregnant with Raegan, I found a deeper rhythm of grace and truly dedicated my life to Christ. When I was pregnant with Honor, I learned that to honor others is a calling from God, a nonnegotiable for Christ-like living and how to be in community with others.
With this last pregnancy, I learned (and I am still learning!) what it truly means to operate from a place of rest and hope (perhaps this will give you a clue about Baby No. 3’s name if you do not follow me over on Instagram!).
I believe God used my pregnancy to teach me about rest because I’ve struggled to operate from a place of rest since becoming a Christian. The struggle was more pronounced at the end of 2021 and into the first six months of 2022. My heart began to long for another child at the top of 2021, so I spent all of that year praying to get pregnant again.
Frankly, getting pregnant was always easy for me. I didn’t expect this pregnancy to go differently, but it did. I was shocked when my pregnancy test was negative the first month of trying, and then the second month, and then the third month. It was a very difficult season for me, something I never expected to encounter.
When we finally got pregnant, I did not expect it because I didn’t think it worked out that month either. Words cannot describe how painful it was to desire another pregnancy, to track my ovulation furiously, and to see negative test after negative test.
When the test was finally positive, it was still hard to believe! I held my breath and waited to go to my first doctors appointment to really confirm that I wasn’t pregnant. After waiting for eight weeks (which felt like an eternity), we went to our first doctors appointment and there was indeed a baby inside! Check out my YouTube video (linked here and embedded below) where I share more about this moment!
My heart was thrilled to be pregnant again! I really wanted another child. Thus, you can probably imagine I was so confused when I had other emotions arise, from feeling that Honor’s brief time as my youngest was coming to a close, to holding on to the slipping moments of her baby days, to seeing preschool just on the horizon for her. From being so frustrated with myself due to extreme fatigue and morning sickness to navigating gestational hypertension and antepartum depression. It was a joyful, exciting, confusing, and painful time.
I experienced all of this while away from this blog. In my time away and through my pregnancy journey, I learned that I need to trust God and rest in Him in good or bad season. I learned to hold onto hope through mental and physical challenges. Now, I am leaning further into Jesus as I return to this space to share authentically about faith, raising three (!) kids, lifestyle, and my career as an attorney and creator!
Thank you so much for being part of my journey and offering positivity, encouragement, support!
Thank you Tiffany Chi Photography for these beautiful maternity photos!
Here’s more of my story on YouTube: